Summer Madness
23 Apr 2012 3 Comments
in Life, Uncategorized
“Summer breeze makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind….” The Isley Brothers
The weather is warming up. Spring is nearly over, and my favorite part of the year, Summertime, is quickly approaching. I love everything about the Summer. The heat, the long days and the carefree feeling that comes with slipping on a sundress and sandals. My attitude does a 180 during the summer. With the sunshine and warm temps, I let all the windows down, blast my music at the most ignorant levels and enjoy the breeze.
Some of the best memories of my life were made during a Summer break. Spending my entire break on the Eastern shore of Maryland, going to the beach and hanging with my country cousins helped to shape my awesome childhood. The food tastes a little better in the summer, and love is definitely a lot sweeter. There is absolutely nothing like a summer romance, hot and heavy and sticky with passion. Break out some ice cubes and play like Mookie and Tina. What could be better?
So tell me, what is your favorite thing about the Summer?
While you share, enjoy some of my favorite summer anthems posted below.
What’s Wrong With You?
13 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life, Uncategorized
“No matter what anybody says, what matters most is what you think of yourself…” India.Arie “Get It Together”
The other day while in the nail shop, I got drawn into a conversation with a woman who gave me a compliment on my hair. That day I had it pulled up into a puff, nothing spectacular in my eyes, but this woman seemed fascinated by it. As we sat and let our nails dry she began to tell me how she would never be caught dead wearing her own hair out as it was too nappy and ‘just a mess’. Now, let me say I’ve been natural for 5 years, and have long since stopped having those natural vs relaxed debates. How someone else wears their hair is of no concern to me. I, however was caught off guard about how much this woman was putting herself down and before I could stop myself, I blurted out “What’s wrong with you”?
Was that rude? Probably so. But, I couldn’t understand how she could say those things out loud, to a stranger about herself. So when I asked “What’s wrong with you”, I didn’t mean it as if she has a problem. But more like, what do you feel is so horrible about yourself, that you would never let anyone see the real you. She began to explain to me that she works in corporate America and she felt ‘they’ did not approve of a woman wearing natural hair. She seemed to associate all natural hair with Florida Evans as well, as she reference that television character more than once in the conversation. Then she asked me, how do you do it? My answer was simple, I’m good with me.
I’m not overly concerned about what society considers to be beautiful or fashionable. I do what’s best for me, love myself and keep it moving. I know that this is not the case for far too many women. It is definitely a process for me, I had to ask myself more than once ‘what’s wrong with you’. Please believe this realization did not come easily. I had and still have to work at truly accepting myself just for who I am. When I could honestly answer with nothing, I’m good with me, I knew I was on to something.
One day I was watching my little niece dance around the house to Willow Smith’s Whip My Hair. She was really into the song and when it was over her Mom and I asked her why she liked that song so much. And with her 6 year old wisdom and honesty she said “because, you should just be who you is”. I couldn’t help but laugh because not only was it adorable, but she already saw at 6 years old that it’s cool to just be ‘who you is’. This is what I was trying to share with the woman in the nail shop. But everyone has to come to their own conclusion about themselves. If they don’t believe it, no amount of talking will convince them otherwise.
Self acceptance is a beautiful feeling. Seeing the beauty in myself, my kinky hair, my thick thighs and my freckles. It’s all me, and it’s all good. What was your moment of acceptance when you felt you were good with you? Is this something that you struggle with? Holla at me.
Til Next Time…
Friend or Foe….Who Ya Wit?
07 Mar 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life
“Friends…how many of us have them..friends….ones we can depend on”….Remember that old tune by Whodini? Friendship means many different things to people. To me it means loyalty and respect. Friendship is also reciprocal. Give and take, even Steven…you get my drift…. By nature I am a giver, I tend to give and give before someone proves they are worthy of the favors I’m giving to them. In my opinion this is not a flaw, but finding those who honestly cherish that quality in me is sometimes a hard task. I don’t sweat it though; it only helps to build me up.
Now I am more able to discern between calling someone a friend, a buddy an acquaintance etc… A very wise person recently told me that I may have to start weeding my garden and pulling out all the things that were trying to choke the life out of me, and then once the weeds are gone, the roses will have room to grow and flourish. Realizing that someone is less than a friend doesn’t mean I love them any less, it just lets me see them for who they are and then I can make the decision of whether or not to keep them in my life, though some things can’t be helped cause you can’t change your family. LOL! This is a lesson I am learning a lot lately, but it’s a lesson well learned….Friend or Foe…who ya wit..?
No Excuses
16 Jan 2012 4 Comments
in Life
They say the first step to fixing a problem is to admit that you have one. With that being said, I will admit that I am a master at procrastination. I will put things off until the very last millisecond and then scramble to meet a deadline. I will also admit that I am a great starter of projects. When it comes to finishing said projects, let’s just say my follow through needs some serious work.
What I’ve decided to do is take baby steps. Instead of setting a goal for a whole month, I realize I need to start small and set a goal for one week. One week of No Excuses. Did I mention how great I am with coming up with excuses for not finishing a project? Truth is, unless there is an emergency, my life is pretty routine. I don’t really have a reason for keeping a blog post pending for weeks at a time, or not going to the gym at the minimum 3 times per week. It just boils down to laziness putting my priorities in order and deciding what is really important to me. Instead of relying on outside sources to give me the push that I need to finish something,this week I am vowing to be my own cheerleader and be accountable for my actions.
This week, starting on Monday, I will finish two projects that I have been needing to catch up on for a couple of weeks now. One of them being completing my assignments for the 31 Days to Reset Your Life challenge over at happyblackwoman.com. It’s 31 days of assignments and I’m on day 10 of 16. Yeah. The 2nd thing is stepping up my workout game to a higher intensity. Sounds simple, but believe me it’s not. It’s hard to break a routine, and my workouts have been extremely routine these last few weeks. Effective, but not as challenging as they can be.
So there you have it. I put it in writing and that means it’s official. No excuses are to be had this week. I’m ready to take this first step and hopefully put an end to my procrastinating ways.
Wish me luck!!
Butterflies
10 Jan 2012 1 Comment
in Music, Relationships
…”I just wanna touch and kiss, and I wish that I could be with you tonight cause you give me butterflies inside…”
Butterflies…the Stomach Flip…the Zsa Zsa Zsu. I’ve heard all of these phrases used to describe that feeling I’ve gotten before when I thought about that special someone. That person who could put the biggest grin on my face with a simple Good Morning phone call. When we were to see each other, it was hard to concentrate on anything else. The butterflies were constant and wouldn’t be calmed until I saw his face. It was exciting and scary all at once. As exciting and lovely as all of this was, it didn’t last. Eventually the cute wore off and we got down to the nitty-gritty of the relationship. I still liked him and enjoyed his company, but the stomach flip was no longer there. Once the passion fizzled, the relationship soon followed.
Fast forward a few years. I’m a little bit older, somewhat wiser and in a very committed relationship. This did not start out with any butterflies, at all. We were friends and stumbled our way into a relationship. It was not passionate at first, but over time we developed that chemistry. Still, I was waiting for the butterflies to occur. They never did, even after 2 years I never felt that excitement, only a feeling of settledness.*
The question I pose to you my faithful three readers is this. Do you have to feel butterflies in order to know if it’s real or not? Do you need the chemistry to be instantly popping, or would you prefer a slow burn and feelings to develop over time? *Would you settle for a relationship without the Zsa Zsa Zsu?
Sharing is Caring,
Elle
*Settledness is in fact a word, yes, I doubted this myself and spell check doesn’t understand it, but dictionary.com confirmed it for me.*
* This question was posed in the 6th season of an episode of Sex and The City.*
2011: It Was A Very Good Year
30 Dec 2011 8 Comments
in Life
Well, we have come to the end of another year. 2011 has flown by. A lot has gone down this year. My life took some turns I didn’t expect, and some I did. I lost some loved ones, friends and family alike, and got to know some very cool people. All in all it was a very good year. (Word to Sinatra).
The Beginning
In all honesty, the first 3 months of 2011 are a blur. It was a lot going on at home. Both of my Dads had gotten sick right around the same time. And with one being in Ohio and one in Nebraska it was more than stressful trying to travel back and forth between them while holding on to the hope that they would both come out fine. Those of you that know me know that I am a Daddy’s Girl. Always have been, and that won’t ever change. Thankfully both are still alive and kicking and around to laugh, joke and fuss with me as if nothing happened. During this time I also made up my mind that 2011 would be the year I would make the move out of NE. I remember last December I vowed that it would be my last Winter in Omaha. I was ready to go.
The Middle
Spring time is all about renewal. When spring came around I had put into motion my timeline for moving. I wanted to be gone by Labor Day. And by gone I mean, moved, and settled in the DFW area. I put my house up for sale, gave notice at the job and traveled back and forth to Dallas trying to get my living and job situation in place. Anyone who has moved long distance can tell you it’s a pain in the arse. My house didn’t sell and after four months I decided it was best to rent it out. I was terrified to leave my job, it was the most secure thing I had going, 6 years of tenure, promotions and damn good money. Even with that, I knew that if I didn’t leave this year I wasn’t going to leave at all. So I packed up the house in a Pod, packed up the car and left on July 23rd.
TO 
The End
I would pick freakin July to move to hot ass Texas. And it was hot for over 100 days straight. 100 degree plus temperatures EVERY DAY. When I got here, I still wasn’t working. I had plenty of time to get to know the city party like a rock star and get familiar with my surroundings. I had a great Summer. There was so much to do, and I did just about all of it. I’ve been to some great concerts (Black Star, Jill Scott/Anthony Hamilton & The Foreign Exchange) all within a couple months of each other. Met some really fine nice southern gentlemen and made some new girlfriends. Once I started working I felt more at home and content. Overall, I am very happy with my decision. I love the city, not the traffic, but just about everything else is like I’d hope it would be.
I Don’t Make Resolutions But…
In the upcoming year the only thing I can say I want to work on changing is living more in the moment. I can be so in my head and have the ability to over-analyze every single detail of a situation that I miss out on the here and now. Life really is too short to miss out on the small moments.
Happy New Year!!!
Elle
*This post is dedicated to my friend/mentor Lisa. Gone too soon, but never forgotten. Love you Boo!*
The Crazies
13 Dec 2011 6 Comments
This Can't Be Life.
We’ve all heard the story:
Girl Meets Boy. Girl and Boy have good conversation and chemistry. Girl and Boy decide to fuck explore said chemistry. Girl thinks this is the beginning of something good. Boy thinks it’s awesome he got some new ass. Girl gets pissed her calls aren’t being returned and busts the windows out his car. *Record Scratch*. Wait…What?
That’s right, this girl has caught a case of what I like to call The Crazies. This is the point when some women go absolutely apeshit over something their man has done. Whether the crazy behavior is warranted or not, they go off. (No Tigallo). The Crazies isn’t something new. Women have been doing this for years. There are movies and TV shows devoted to women who gave into The Crazies. Watch an episode of Bridezillas or Snapped and you’ll see just what I mean. Sometimes, you don’t have a choice but to go crazy, you know to show him that it’s real. You have to do a throat punch, slash some tires, feed em’ some ex-lax just to make sure he knows you care, right? WRONG. Abso-fuckin-lutely WRONG.
Let’s be clear. If the only way I can keep your attention and keep you coming back for more is to act a damn fool, you and I will never work out. EVER. I’m not about to catch a damn charge because I put anti freeze in your kool aid after you got a text from your ex. I’m not sure if I just have never cared that much or just because I think it’s stupid. But whatever the case is, I have yet to get to the point where I want to throw a brick through your window, or call your Mama a stank whore to her face. If I get that angry, it’s best I don’t deal with you any longer. If it’s true what they say that men love crazy women, then I guess I’m losing.
So tell me dear readers, have you ever had a case of The Crazies? Of course we’ve all thought about doing something, but have you ever acted it on it? And is it true, DO men like crazy woman?
Sharing is Caring,
Elle
Saying Goodbye
02 Nov 2011 3 Comments
in Life
For me it was a normal Monday. I was going about my regular schedule, getting ready for the day, planning dinner and making after work plans. When I got to work it took me a minute to open my email. Once I did, I got the devastating news that my friend and mentor Lisa had passed away. Needless to say I was heartbroken. I was so surprised at the amount of pain I felt I could barely think straight. My first thoughts were how could this happen, and what about her children?
As I was making the drive back to Omaha for her services, I had a long 10 hours to think. First I counted my blessings for still having my parents around to love and talk to on a daily basis. I also gave thanks for having the type of relationship with my friends and family where I can and do tell them how much they mean to me and let them know that they are loved.
Life gets so crazy sometimes, and everyone is busy and stressed about one thing or the other. It’s hard to pick up the phone and call, or return an email when you are constantly on the move. But at the same time, remember that all of this could be over in the blink of an eye. And if you love somebody let them know, because you really don’t know when it could be the last time.
I hope Lisa knew that I cared for her. I hope she knew that she meant a lot to me and taught me by example how to have grace and forgiveness toward others. I’m glad that the last time we spoke it was all smiles and laughs. When I left Omaha to come to Dallas without a job she was one of my biggest cheerleaders encouraging me the entire time. I’m so thankful to have known her and to have had a person like her in my life. She was a beautiful person and she will be missed.
Til Next Time…
The Bigger Person
07 Sep 2011 4 Comments
in Life
I miss my best friend. She and I were thick as thieves, you would never see one of us without the other. We lived in different states but tried to take every vacation together. We spent hours on the phone every week talking about absolutely nothing. During our winter breaks from school we would travel to D.C. together just to have some girl time. In our eyes, no one was closer or tighter than the two of us and we loved it that way. Then my best friend got married and everything changed.
When my friend got married, I was not there. I was not in the bridal party, didn’t attend the ceremony or the reception. We had a huge fight a few weeks before her wedding. It was a knock down drag out, words were said that should never be said between two people who were as tight as we were. The reason for the fight was because I asked her a simple question, “Are you happy”? She became extremely defensive and just started in on me asking me why I would say anything to her like that. I asked because I wanted to know. I wasn’t asking to throw salt or start anything, as my friend I truly wanted to know was she happy. I did not know at the time that my friend, who was the strongest bravest woman I know, was being abused.
I didn’t find out about her domestic abuse until a few years after the wedding when she and I had made amends and were back on track with our friendship. At that time she revealed to me that he had hit her and she decided to move out and file for divorce. I’ll never forget the fear I heard in my friend’s voice one night, the panic, anger and shock as she called me on the phone and said, “I’m sending you some pictures”. The pictures she sent me were of hand marks and bruises all around her neck and face. She wanted me to have proof of what went down that night between her and her husband. They argued, names were called, and he decided to choke her in front of her daughter. I was so scared for her, and angry and hurt. I wanted to jump on the highway and drive the 6 hours to rescue my friend. That night my friend made it out of the house and went to stay at a relatives home. After we talked the next day she revealed to me all of the verbal and mental abuse that she had endured during her marriage. I knew they had problems off and on, but I never thought he actually said those things to her, and then to put his hands on her. I just couldn’t take it. Then my friend did, what in my eyes is the unthinkable. She reconciled with her husband.
Now maybe I don’t get it because I’m not, nor have I ever been married. But abuse is abuse. And abuse does not equal love in any way. The last time I saw and talked to my best friend, she was at my house for the weekend to get away from all the stress in her life. She made things out like they were peachy keen, even though I could see her jump every time her phone rang. I knew she was scared, but she would not let me in. Finally I told her it’s time we get real and wanted to know what was really going on. Once again, my friend accused me of being a “hater” and not understanding how a marriage works. She began to try to convince me that married people have problems but they work them out. As I sat there listening to her my heart was breaking, because my strong brave friend sounded just like the abused women I had only read about, but never known. I could not fathom how on earth she could defend his actions. How could she say that it was her fault because she hit him a couple of times too. How was this happening? Then it clicked, she is being abused, she has believed what has been told to her, that she is to blame. At the end of this conversation, my friend told me she realized that she could never talk to me about issues in her marriage again, because all I do is judge, and I don’t know what it means to be married.
My friend and I don’t speak anymore. I had no love to give her husband, and in her eyes I was disrespecting him and their marriage by not accepting their reconciliation. But what she doesn’t and has never gotten, is that as her friend, it hurt me to see her being hurt. It hurt me not to be able to rescue her from what I felt was a very damaging situation. Mostly, it hurt because after all that we had been through, she would accuse me of being envious of her life and push me away. I miss my friend. There are days when I need to talk to someone and know that she is the only person who would truly understand. I’ve thought about calling her many, many times, even went so far as to ask her family for her phone number. But for whatever reason, all I can think about is that last fight, and the words that were said. And I wonder, if I call her will I have to pretend to be happy about her situation? Will we argue? Is it even worth it? Should I be the one to make that move towards repairing our friendship? Am I being selfish and judgemental? I’m not sure of these answers or what move to make next, all I know for sure is that I miss my best friend.
The First Date
09 Aug 2011 1 Comment
Ah…The first date that lovely occurrence that takes place after you’ve met someone who you thought attractive. Whether he approached you, or you approached him, you both vibed and decided to go out on a date. SCORE!!!
Now to here’s the hard part, deciding where to go, when, who’s driving and most important, what to wear? Maybe it’s just me but I tend to overthink my wardrobe on a daily basis, so imagine the dilemma I face when picking an outfit for a date. Then I get to projecting what is going to happen, what if he’s an idiot, and dear God what are we going to talk about for 2 or 3 hours?!?!? I have to make myself breathe (and drink a glass or two of wine) and just chill, look cute and go have some fun.
So after going out on more than a few first dates, I’ve come up with my own personal list of First Date tips. These are things that I try and remember when I date; it’s nothing new and has been said many times before on many different blogs, in many different ways, but here’s my take on things:
1) Be on Time : Ok look, I’m all for making a fashionable entrance and allat, but seriously, if you all set a date at 730 and one of us doesn’t show up until close to or after 8, that’s plain rude. With all of the technology we have going on these days, there is no reason for one of us not to shoot a text or a quick phone call to say you are running late. Trust me, politeness and consideration go a long way.
2) Dinner and a Movie for a first date is a No-N0: This may seem like the perfect first date to some, but for me, I like to keep the first date a little short. The
reason for that is that I like to feel you out first before I get stuck in a restaurant for 2 hours watching you smack your food or be rude to the waitress or worse, have nothing to talk about. I mean, have you ever been to a dinner with someone who had zero conversation? No, it’s just me? Ok then. Well, let me tell you, it is not pleasant. I prefer to have a nice low key first date where we can talk, maybe over a Latte, or during a stroll through the park. Word to Jilly. If the conversation over coffee or the walk through the park is good then you may want to continue on to dinner at that. Again, this is strictly personal preference, and of course there are exceptions where a dinner date is totally cool. Now about the movies and the first date, simply put, you can’t mack in the movies. First dates are all about getting to know someone, talking and flirting. How can you do that while trying to focus on what he’s saying and Kahl Drago’s fine ass on the movie screen? It can’t be done…
3) Safety First : This is more for the women readers. On the first date I would
strongly suggest driving yourself to the location. The reasons are many, but
mainly, your common sense and safety should take precedence. Until I get to
know a guy better, he doesn’t find out exactly where I live and for the first
couple of dates we are meeting at a public and safe location. I have a buddy
system that I’ve used for a while now. When I go out on a first date, at least
2 of my girls know what I know about the guy. I text them where we are meeting
etc… It’s not being paranoid, it’s being careful.
4) Ask Questions: No, I’m not talking interrogation style. You don’t want to make your date uncomfortable, but at the same time you are there to get to know one another. Don’t be shy, ask away.
5) Relax, Relate, Release: Alright, so you got a date…Whoo Hoo! You know
that that person is feeling you, as I’m sure you’ve had some phone calls or
sweet texts leading up to said date. You are in there, you don’t have to worry
about if they like you…they do, trust me, the chemistry is there. If it wasn’t
you wouldn’t have gotten as far as the first date. Now relax, breathe and if you enjoy a cocktail (like I do) then have a cocktail. But by all means, have fun. Don’t start planning the wedding on the first date, just live in the moment, and enjoy yourself, flirt a little and smile.
Trust, if the chemistry is there, a second date will follow.
So, tell me, do you all have any first date tips to share?
Til Next Time…Happy Dating
Elle…
